Post game wrap-up 10:30 PM

So I have had a few hours now to decompress and enjoy playing zone defense again.

Mom rang the doorbell and the kids all ran to the door crying "Mama!! Mama!!" she was really missed.  And not just because they were tired of dealing with an amateur -- All is right in their world now.

Sara had a great time with the girls and would really want to go again next year.  I think she will wait until I get middle-age amnesia though before asking me.

Going into this I thought about how great it was that I could give Sara a weekend off to get some time away from the kids and help her recharge her sorely depleted batteries.  Bonus was that I wouldn't have to think of something to get her for Valentine's Day.  However, in the span of 56 hours I learned two important things - one about myself and one about my marriage.  I learned lots of other things too (like how to comb hair) - but I probably should have picked those up long ago.

About myself:  Perspective is everything.  Because I had this stupid blog to write - i didn't mind too bad all the crazy and annoying stuff that was going on with the kids.  Normally, when I come home from work and something like this happens - I have zero patience for it and I freak out.  However, this weekend I saw each event as an opportunity to fill my blog and hopefully turn it into something that would be looked at in a humorous light.  In both situations the stimulus is the same...but my attitude completely changed how I responded to them.  I am going to try to keep this in mind next time I am faced with toddler induced entropy.

About my marriage.  I am sooooo very lucky to have Sara.  She is the rock of our family.  She puts up with all of this everyday and finds time to still get to the actual chores of shopping, laundry, cooking, etc.   She did so much pre-work for me that all I had to do was keep the inertia going.  Without all of her hard work day-to-day, including the sleep-deprived nights, we'd never make it.  And she has been working in this hyper-accelerated chaos mode for over two and half years since Brooke came along.  Not to mention the other 7.5 years that preceded her arrival.  I can now only begin to empathize with her days...because I still haven't truly experienced it.  Sara - thank you for all your hard work.  You are amazing...and I am very, very lucky to be married to you.  Plus I just plain missed you all weekend. You are the true Jimmer in my life.

Thanks everyone for reading along this weekend, the moral support and feedback.  I apologize for the number of inside jokes, both religious and family based.  Thanks to Matt for his pictures...definitely a nice touch.   Feel free but not obligated to comment or pass it on.

Hour 56 5:00 – 6:00 PM - 2nd Overtime

Yay! We did it! We did it!  We did it!  Hooray!  Lo hicimos! We did it!
We kept the children alive, for 56 hours…
Yeah we did it!  We did it!  We did it!  Hooray! 
We handled early release, and basketball games.
Yeah we did it!  We did it!  We did it!  Hooray! 
We changed 14 poopy diapers, and combed the toddlers' hair…
Then we made it to the church, with 2 full minutes to spare!
Yeah we did it! We did it! We Diiiiiiiiid it! Hooray!!
Yeah!  <high five!>

Jimmered it!
Happy valentine's day Sar-Bear!

Hour 55 4:00 – 5:00 PM - Overtime

So originally Sara said they’d go to church and then head home – we figured she’d be back by 4:00.  Turns out they didn’t leave until 2:30 and with a 2.5 hour drive…I am in overtime now.

The kids are still pacified, but the house is a wreck.  If I hold out too long, I think we’d miss dinner.  So I am starting a pizza for the boys.  I think Brooke is going to have left over macaroni, but an entire bag of popcorn seems to have satisfied her for now.  Max is still stomping around upstairs in my bedroom watching Timmy.  I haven't seen him since the vase incident.  I have no clue what he is doing, but I did give him the prodigal yellow watch.  He was very excited and I don’t think he’ll cry again this evening.  It is just that powerful.

Brooke is addicted to fast forwarding now.  I might have to share the remote with her someday.  I shudder at the thought.  So as she incorrectly fast forwards through an entire episode of Dora, Luke grabs the remote to rewind it.  This sends Brooke into a running scream-cry and she flops down in the blue room at my feet.

I decide I am going to have to sit down and watch the rest of these with her in my lap until Sara returns.   She is pacified as long as I rub her back…but she still can’t stop saying  "Mama…mama." 

Inside…neither can I Brooke, neither can I.

Hour 54 3:00 – 4:00 PM

“Let them eat cake”

I am not sure on all the true details, but I am betting that if Marie Antoinette had had Orville Redenbacher as an advisor she would have kept her head.

Hour 53 2:00 – 3:00 PM

Luke was downstairs rummaging through the grub but otherwise quiet for 40 minutes.  Yay.  But at 2:40 Brooke starts hollering.  I figure it is time for the final push – Sara should be on the road right now…right?

So I go see Brooke who is crying in middle of a pink heap of clothes, dolls, shoes, and blankets.  She has completely dissembled her bed sheet and thrown it on the floor.  That will be there when Mom gets back.
 
Let Max out of his room and bring the hooligans downstairs to turn on the tv.  Max really wants Timmy Time – which I like because it has no commercials.  Brooke MUST HAVE DORA.  Timmy gets put on, and Brooke begins her hissy fit.  This is not going well. 

I send Luke upstairs to check if there are any Dora episodes on the DVR in my bedroom…I wouldn’t mind having her off to herself for a while.  Meanwhile Brooke is in my lap on the red chair bawling her eyes out at having to watch Timmy.  Luke eventually comes back and says There's no Dora upstairs.  So I grab the remote and turn on Dora downstairs.  Max responds by flying across the room like a screaming banshee to slap the side of the TV where the menu keys are as his form of protest. 

Now the TV is displaying the menu system and my remote is trying to change the TV’s Brightness & Contrast.  Both kids hate that…so they are scream-crying at each other.  In the battle of Scream-Cry Idol, Brooke wins.  Max hates it when Brooke screams, so he ripped her blankie out of her hands and threw it in the air.  That makes her scream again even louder.  So Max responds by picking up her blankie again, and with the flair of a matador, whips it over his head and behind his shoulder into the kitchen area landing on top of Mom’s daisies and tipping the whole thing over.  Miraculously the vase stayed up on the breakfast bar but the flowers and all the water spilled out all over the floor. 

That’s it – Dad is going nuclear – Popcorn.

Hour 52 1:00 – 2:00 PM Luke-ifer

I canceled the lego war because I am not completely insane.  No way those two could have done that without screaming at each other.  Jake is still cool making ships and stuff but Luke is bored.  We don’t let them have electronics until after 3:00.  I tell Luke to grab a book and come into my room to read on my bed.  He decides to come and nap instead.  And by nap he means rub his toes all over the back of my leg and heels and ask me questions the whole time.  Luke is sent away, he says he is going to go nap in his own bed.

A few minutes later I hear Luke asking Jake questions and then I hear their bedroom door open and shut 3 or 4 times in the space of a minute.  I whisper for the boys to come to my room for a quick Q&A as to what the heck is going on.  After hearing both arguments, Luke is cast down stairs never to return.

I guess there was a war after all.

Hour 51 12:00 – 1:00 PM

Poopz

Hour 50 11:00 – 12:00 AM

Head home from church and things get a little dicey.    Brooke is in spontaneous combustion mode.  Someone looks at her wrong and she starts bawling.  Max sees my iPad and won’t leave me alone until I break it out for him.   Brooke starts bawling because she isn’t playing.  Jake takes off her boots, she starts bawling because I make her leave her tights on.  Brooke wants a drink and cries because it’s water.

Meanwhile Jake and Luke are screaming at each other upstairs – I learn from Luke that it was all because Jake stole his dime.  Yikes.   Time to feed these kids to get them ready for bed…I am hoping for a really long collective nap.

I make them pb&j and decide to pull out the secret weapon Corn Chips.  Brooke cries about that.   I cut up her sandwich first and put it on the table with some corn chips and her cup of water.  Max is yelling about the iPad not working…I go fix that and run back to make Max’s sandwich.  Brooke is no longer at the dinner table.  She has grabbed a bucket and filled it with corn chips to go out and watch Dora.  She is no longer crying and I no longer care.

I figure heck with it and I take Max’s plate and put it out by the TV too.

I am now blogging and eating corn chips because I don't care anymore…less than 5 hours until the boss gets back.  Sara originally said 4:00-ish

Brooke comes over 15 minutes later and screams at me for no apparent reason - so Dad decides it is bedtime for her.  She is tucked in.  Max is back in his comfy clothes and headed to bed.  The older boys are in separate rooms building legos weapons for a war.  I told them whomever I hear first making any sound loses automatically.  That ought to keep them running silent for 5 minutes.

I put Max in bed and he is still saying something through the crack under the door.  So I let him out figuring I'd forgotten to get one of his watches or something.  I tell him to run downstairs and get it.  He runs down, stops in the living room and laughs as he turns on the TV again.  I am such an amatuer.  He does find the watch though and is now locked in his room.

That's it - it is really 12:18 PM and I am hoping the next hour's post is only z's.

Hour 49 10:00 – 11:00 AM

Lesson time – the 15 year olds can’t stop talking about the dance last night.  I make them draw up on the white board the front page of a mock newspaper covering what we learned last week about the calling of the apostles.  Then a representative from the stake comes in to assess my teaching.  After about 5 minutes of the incessant side chatter even she is trying to get the kids to be quiet and listen.  After a couple more tries, I decided to stand up and rain manna crisp down on the bishop’s desk and tell them to have at it.

Actually though, we persevered through the lesson on Christ's miracles and things turned around when I talked about the man with palsy lowered down to Christ through the roof by his friends.  One kid thought I was kidding.  The rest of the lesson turned from there and actually ended up just about the best lesson yet so far this year.  Got a solid two thumbs up from my visitor.  Good stuff.

Not so good though that I have any false aspirations of trying to make it through a third hour all by myself with the four kids in Sacrament meeting.  Pulling the ripcord and out to the van.

Hour 48 9:00 – 10:00 AM

Jake is a huge help getting Brooke into the church while I have Max…now other people (soon to be canonized people) have them for the next couple hours.    First hour is good – Stake presidency visits to teach about the new handbook of instructions.
 

There is a toddler-baby sitting behind me on his dad’s lap.  The toddler-baby keeps poking my backside through the chair.  That's just piling on.  Maybe he thinks I haven’t suffered enough this weekend.

Hour 47 8:00 – 9:00 AM

8:10 and I decide to go upstairs and get dressed.

Luke yells from downstairs that Brooke is making a mess.  Apparently she snagged the box of manna crisp from the counter that I forgot to put away after pouring Luke a bowl.  She pulled out the bag and made it rain all over the carpet.  Then she started using her cute boots to stomp them into the carpet.  I have pictures.

After assessing the situation I decide I have to clean this one up before putting the final touches on hair and shoes.  The fact that they are rolling in the crumbs is the key factor in the decision.  Nothing that a 5.0 Horsepower Shop vac can’t fix!  3 minutes later cleanup complete.  Jimmered.

I comb the toddler’s hair and decided I am demoted from "Divorcee with visitation" to "kidnapper on the lam".  Not my primary skill.

Get Luke’s hair combed and tuck in his shirt while Max runs around with toothpaste getting it all over his pants.  As he ran by he swiped Luke’s shoes off the couch armrest.  Nice move.  I bend down to pick it up and split my pants – bad move.

I know Sara thinks that I exaggerate things…but I really did split my pants – so I ran up stairs to change.  Max followed, so I trapped him for a pants cleaning.  Came downstairs and got his shoes on, tied Luke’s shoes.  Jake was perfectly dressed.  (Ah to have an 11 yr old)

It is 8:45 and I thought I would stop to document the last hour – it is 8:51 now so I will post and get everyone into the car.

Never would have made it without all the prep Sara did ahead of time - thanks honey!

Hour 46 7:00 – 8:00 AM

Max is up – I run up and get him changed and dressed for church also.  Brooke is jumping around the room.  Max comes downstairs, and I start making his toast.  I turn around and he is drinking his milk by biting the cup and rearing his head back.  NO HANDS MA!  So now his pants are covered in milk.  I am starting to doubt the plan to get them in their church clothes first thing in the morning.

Now available in the App store

I hear the boys stirring…but I am trying to sneak in breakfast and review my lesson for Sunday School.  Today I am supposed to teach on the purposes of Christ’s miracles.  It’ll be a miracle if my lesson is longer than 5 minutes.  The 15 year olds I teach would be happy just talking and playing with my iPad. 

I am sitting at the table reading the lesson manual when Maisy hits a commercial break.  Brooke reacts by running through the dining room and slamming into the wall, flopping on the floor, and crying in protest.  Don’t exactly know what she had hoped to accomplish.  Max chooses instead to bring me the remote control.   Nice save - Crisis averted.

About 8 minutes later…Brooke runs over to the table where I am eating breakfast while reading my lesson and steals Max’s 2 pieces of turkey bacon.  I think there is an unwritten 30-minute rule between them.  Spoils of war…

4 minutes later Brooke again runs through the dining room, slams into the wall, and flops onto the floor.  This time with a piece of bacon in each hand.  I guess her mouth was too full to cry this time.  I go and fast forward Maisy again.  I am wondering who is training who now.

Alright – no messing around now – Gotta get the boys up and ready.

It’s Jimmertime.

Hour 45 6:00 – 7:00 AM

I catch Brooke before she is able to wake the whole house.  She does the potty thing again successfully and then we get her dressed and ready for church.  She demands that I put on her boots before we do anything else.  Now she will probably just need a change and her hair combed before 9:00 – Right on schedule. 

She really wants to help with breakfast.  She is pulling cups and dishes out of the dishwasher…even if they are full of water.   We cook the bacon, split the banana, and I unwrap a cereal bar.  She is not interested in eating…just the process of getting it on the table.  Oh well, at least there is no screaming.

Then I hear him…

Hour 44 5:00-6:00 AM – The Riders of the Marc

5:58 AM
I hear it –

Two low rumbling thuds.

Boommm Boommm

I know that Saramans orc hoard are at the gate of Helms Deep.  I can hear them kicking at the walls.  It is a fiery battering ram, rhythmically chiming out my doom.  They are coming…
 
16 minutes later I have showered, deodorized, and combed my hair for the day.

I mount up and ride out against the evil brood.

Hour 37 10:00 - 11:00 PM

10:50 PM - I am snug in my bed and the phone rings.  I have forgotten to bring one upstairs with me so I let it ring.  5 times and to the answering machine.  Then it starts again...after 3 more rings I get up to go downstairs to see what is so important.   I missed the call but check caller ID - it is Sara and I am worried.  I call her back.  She tells me to make sure I get to bed early.  Thanks hon.

Hour 36 9:00 – 10:00 PM

Dishes done.  Trash emptied.  Wife status report updated.  Blogging complete.  Final diaper check.  Off to bed by 10 – because tomorrow morning is the hard part.

Four kids and self all to church by 9:00 AM

After talking with Sara…I have a feeling this game might be going into overtime tomorrow evening.  I don't think she is in any hurry to get back after only 54 hours.  Better get some rest.

Hour 35 8:00 – 9:00 PM

We had school and played.

Hour 34 7:00 – 8:00 PM

Jimmer

Hour 33 6:00-7:00 PM

I jump in to give them the Shampoo on everything wash.  I saw them do it to the car at scruffy duck – so it should work here.  Then I let them play for 5 more minutes.  Get Brooke out first, dry off, diaper on first this time, pajamas on, work through the tangles, and get her off to bed.

Stage 3 Complete – Smooth.

Get Max out – Dry, Diaper, Pajamas, Comb – get the boys to turn the flood light on and find his watches.  In bed, lights off, door locked from outside.

Stage 4 Complete – Boom goes the Dynamite. 

Head downstairs, the boys have successfully straightened and vacuumed the family room and kitchen table & floors.  They now get Playstation time while I eat dinner and watch some BYU basketball

Mission Checkpoint – 6:25 PM and Life is good.

Hour 32 5:00 – 6:00 PM

Kinda feel like that last week of summer before the kids go back to school. I catch my second wind and know that if I can just push through the next hour – I am gonna make it for my second day. 

Preheat the oven and start the frozen pizza for the boys – I may regret that tomorrow but hopefully Sara will be home in time to take over dinner. 

Go upstairs and get everything ready to give the toddlers a shower.  Then I bring them up one at a time to make sure I have the advantage.  Brooke goes up first – has to do the pee pee thing again – and this time she really does go.  I should have never doubted that little sweetheart.   Get her in the shower.

Stage 1 complete – So far so good.

Come back down -   Pizza’s done – cut it in half and let the boys choose a number to see who gets which half.  So wise.  Then I put in my frozen macaroni – set the time for 55 minutes. 

Take Max up – he has a monster poopy diaper!!  What did Sara feed this kids all week to sabatoge me?   Anyway – finally get him in the shower with Brooke and let them play for 15 mintues while I get their rooms ready, collect their church clothes, tonight’s pajamas, diapers, towels, a water cup for Brooke.

Stage 2 complete and I am – NAILING IT! 

Go in to wash the kids.  Max is spinning like a whirling dervish, if whirling dervishes were naked and spinning on their bottoms in a shower…

Hour 31 4:00 – 5:00 PM

Cannot stand the whining

Go inside to call an adult and fix some PB&J sandwiches for the kids.

Cheez-its are all over the floor in the kitchen – probably Jake’s doing since he was complaining 30 minutes ago about not getting any lunch.

The whiners follow me in with nothing but unintelligible requests,  Mom is obviously a better interpreter.

Max apparently wanted the rest of the cheez-its in the costco sized box since he just ran off with it…but I am making sandwiches.  I almost gave in and got him a bag – but instead I confiscated the box, cut up the sandwiches really quickly and threw them on the table.  Max ate all of his sandwich in 2 minutes.  I was glad I held my ground making him eat something normal.  – Point Dad!

Apparently that wasn’t enough though, because he headed over to Brooke’s spot and started in on her sandwich too.  Brooke was not happy about this – and demonstrated it by flopping around on the living room floor like a hooked trout.  Fortunately, I had the standby sandwich Mom made Brooke yesterday sitting in a Ziploc all ready to cut.  I cut it up in smaller pieces and put Brooke’s first sandwich over on Max’s spot.  Got them two glasses of milk and ran over to get the vacuum to clean up Jake’s cheez-its mess.  After vacuuming the floor by the trash can, I look up to see Max standing in Brooke’s chair drinking from her milk – I say,  “Max stop it!  That is Brooke’s milk” – so he puts her glass down and looks at me like the cat that ate a canary.  I am so happy he followed directions -  Two for two!

Then he leans over the cup and spits his whole mouthful of milk all over the table around the cup and runs off.    Jimmered.  

I grabbed the napkins and started mopping up the mess and then tip over the rest of the cup.  Don’t care what they say – I am crying over it.

Hour 30 3:00 – 4:00 PM - Free range chickens

Come home and I can hear Brooke crying from the driveway.  The babysitter seems relieved to be relieved.  Apparently they didn't sleep much and she let them out about 2:15 or so.  She only stays long enough to get her $20 and she is on the road.

I decide to get the kids outside – I’m extending the Box and 1 Defense to the perimeter.

Get their shoes on and let them out back – and it is basically more of the same thing…a lot of crying and whining outside.

I am not going to last long out here.

Two hours until 2 great things…babies in bed and Jimmer on TV!!

Hour 29 2:00 – 3:00 PM Luke’s game

Luke is yawning during the pregame warm up.  Coach has them shuffling left and right with their arms out practicing their defensive techniques.  Luke is standing there with his arms resting on his head doing his trunk rotations.  This should be fun.

Meanwhile, Jake is practicing his layup spasms on another court

First Quarter:
Luke was the only one on his team wide open on an in-bound play so they threw it to him. He reacted by letting it bounce off his foot to another guy.  Good play Luke

Next play on defense he spun out of the way like a matador to let the other player step by him for a layup...we'll have to look out for the bull fighting league sign-ups for him in the summer.

They sometimes let Luke dribble the ball up to half court and then pass it before he crosses the line.  The other team isn't allowed to guard anybody in the back court.  So that's cool

Second Quarter:
 Luke is playing Defense on number 4.  Luke doesn't even look for the ball, he just makes an angry face, gets up in #4's grill, and tries to air-hug him .  But then on offensive side he does the same thing.  Fortunately the point guard saw it and dribbled behind Luke for a shot.  Nice clear-out pick Luke!
Next play the other team scores and Luke grabs the ball and immediately started dribbling up the court.  Luke doesn’t require inbounding.

3rd Quarter:
The scoreboard broke mid way through the 3rd quarter just as Luke was subbing in.  They told the players to take a knee while they set up a new one.  Luke squatted down with his back to the crowd.   Yes, he had pantry pants.  Thanks for the show, son!

They just put Luke against #5.  That’s the kid from the other team that dribbled the length of the court in the wrong direction.  Good move coach

Luke got a pass and the coaches yelled for him to shoot! Luke proceeded to set himself up with about five shuffle steps.  The ref unapologetically whistled him for traveling.  Luke shot anyway and overshot the rim missing everything.  Then he looked around trying to figure out what all the whistle noise was for and why everyone was running to the other side of the court.  The coach came over shuffled him back to play defense and then had a quick word with the ref and they both shrugged their shoulders.  I couldn't hear what they said because I was too busy chanting AIR-BALL!!! AIR-BALL!!!

4th Quarter
Luke’s team is in a nailbiter in the 4th 24-22 and Luke is out at the drinking fountain – he doesn’t play very often in the 4th quarter and he is cool with that.  I think he runs faster back to the bench than he does on the court.

Their team wins 31-23.  Luke is pumped - I do love that kid.
Home to save the babysitter.

Hour 28 1:00 – 2:00 PM Jake’s game

Jake's team is an undefeated clan of highly trained ninjas and Sun Tzu is their coach.   He starts Jake with his weakest lineup for the first 3 min to give the other team hope since they have their first string in.  4-4 after 3 minutes

Then he puts in his second best line-up that happens to be 4 full-court press ninjas and a giant.  They steal the ball about 10 times in a row and end the Quarter up 16-4
Snuck out at halftime to drive Luke over to his game.

Made it back to watch the last quarter.

End score 47-27.   Jake got a rebound, a turnover, and a generally red-faced workout that resulted in about 3/4 of a donut burned off.

Watching Luke’s game will be slightly more painful...so you will get more details.

Hour 27 12:00-1:00 PM

So some details of the previous hour:

I thought I smelled Max on the way to pick up Jake an hour ago, but put him in the van anyway.  With the fans all on full blast I figured I could let him finish his business.  It gets annoying changing so many mini-poops.  Everyone was being good on the road so I kept them in the van and drove them to the Greensboro taco bell to kill some time.  Didn’t get anything for Jake since he said he had 6 donuts for breakfast and wasn’t that hungry.  I can't believe any parent would feed a kid junk-food like that.  I think their family’s last name is Kettle.

Anyway back to this hour.  Finished eating with the kids and got started on preparing them for naptime. Changed max.  He is stronger now with his cookie crisp & nachos combination – kinda like Popeye and spinach.  Was a serious battle royale.

Took Brooke into her room and she had to go sit on the pee pee toilet.  I was straightening up her bed when I heard water trickling.  I ran in to yell “Good girl Brooke!”.  She was pretty proud of herself.   Then I asked her to be “all done pee pee” and told her it was time to flush.  She grabbed the handle and pulled it down one millimeter and I heard the same trickling sounds in the back of the tank.  That's when I knew I'd been hoodwinked. 

After pulling the booger off the seat she decided to try to collect the 9 shoes scattered around the bathroom floor. She may have been pants-less and outmatched but she was not going to give in until she solved the conundrum of carrying 9 shoes at a time...I stepped in to accelerate this process  grabbing a basket to keep things moving.

Alright - Babies Down by 12:25

Babysitter arrives in 5.

Start with Luke’s hair and ask Jake to get started clearing the table from lunch.  I saw him snarfing the leftovers – I guess 6 donuts wasn’t enough after all.  We spent 10 minutes looking for Luke’s jersey and shorts earlier but they are both completely ready 5 minutes after the sitter arrives.  Outta HERE!!

On the way to Jake’s game, Luke is sitting in the backseat and says – uh oh!

He tells me he has a hole in his shorts, and I turn around to assess the size of this hole and I instead get a Britney-esque tabloid shot of his underpants.  Great.  Drop Jake off for his game and return home for round two of looking for Luke’s shorts.

Make it back to the game just in time…

Hour 26 11:00-12:00 AM

And with the wisdom of Solomon, he divideth the bounty between all the tribes that they might partake of their shares equally and contendeth not.

And it came to pass that each tribe did partake of their nachos, cinnamon twists, and diet caffeine free Dr Pepper, and did bring war one upon another no longer.

And thus ended the 26th hour of the reign of this father.

Hour 25!!! 10:00-11:00 AM

And Marc-ses smote the rock with his staff and out poured Cherry Coke Zero that the boogers may drink. 

The kids like that stuff now – I am thinking the baby sitter will be earning her money this afternoon!  Other than that, one more poopy diaper from Max, cleaned up the completely uneaten breakfasts, and did the dishes.  Notice I didn’t say untouched breakfasts…Brooke decided to turn every piece of toast butter-side-down and stick it to the table.  When did she have time to do that??

Wicked little Israelites! 

Picking up Jake at 11 – gotta try to get the boogers in the car.

Hour 24 9:00-10:00 AM - Manna Crisp

Got side tracked from the shower  At first by Brooke’s poopy diaper, then by Luke trying to hold an overflowing bowl of cookie crisp in his lap so he could watch Timmy Time, and finally by Max’s water soaked shirt. 

When I do finally get ready to go upstairs – I slide one last zip lock of cookie crisp in Max’s hand and run upstairs.  I had the vacuum in hand – and see the pile of cookie crisp on my bed sorta covered by my pillow.  Since I had planned ahead – I get it all sucked up in 45 seconds.  Vaya con Jimmer, crumbs!

After getting Brooke set up on her horsey, watching some Dora in the bonus room…I steal time to think in the shower.  I wonder if manna and cookie crisp are related.  I mean if you think about it – God performs 10 miracles, parts the Red Sea, destroys the Egyptians, and still the Israelite boogers make a golden calf and start worshipping it.  I am thinking God decided at that point to pull the ripcord, rain down some manna crisp, and let them walk off the sugar high for 40 years.

Maybe Brooke was just saving a double portion of her manna crisp for the Sabbath.  I’d just prefer she didn’t do it in my bed.

Hour 23 8:00-9:00 AM

Brooke pushed most of the 6th distribution of cookie crisp onto the floor to give Max the impression they were all gone.  Then when he fell into his sugar coma on the couch she discreetly picked them up and put them in a cup.  Aww how nice, she is a little cleaner-upper.  But then she tip toes up the stairs with the cup and eventually ended up in my room.  I had left the TV on from earlier, so I can only imagine that they are now spread all over my side of the bed and under my pillow.  I guess that is what I get for being enamored with the sound of my clicking keyboard.  I’ll let you know the damage next hour when I run up to shower.

Ate breakfast, read cougarboard, emptied the dishwasher.  No sign of Luke since 7:09. 

Heading up to shower. - I am bringing a vacuum though.

Hour 22 7:00-8:00 AM

I corral Brooke into my bedroom until 7:09 when Luke comes in and asks to play playstation. Shouldn’t you have breakfast first? Anyway – Max is stirring around 7:18 so Brooke and I run in to do the diaper change thing. It actually turns into the Toddler Decathlon with Max and Brooke playing jump on the bed, peek-a-boo, jump off the bed, wrestle under the blanket, etc. Cute. And I’m happy that they are playing together so instead of trying to make Max sit still for a diaper change – I head down to make a nutritious breakfast of toast, Turkey Bacon, and a Banana.

As I am getting the toast started the babies decide to continue their decathlon downstairs on the indoor track. Max is pushing around the play shopping cart while Brooke is chasing him pulling the pink rolling basket. After their second lap I notice that Brooke has yesterday morning’s milk cup sloshing around in the basket leaking everywhere. I catch her on the third lap and grab the basket. When Max sees the cup he goes into a fit to get it – so I quickly poor it out as well as the basket. A quick basket rinse and dry and they can continue the competition. Except that Max is still freaking out about not having the milk. So I poor them each a small glass of milk for their breakfast and put it on the table and head back over to butter the cold toast and de-crust it. I then split the banana and pull the bacon out of the microwave. Back in control now…so I grab Max to quickly change him.

That kid needs to be an MMA fighter. Because no matter how well pinned I have him – he will not submit. As I am trying to get Max to tap-out, Brooke comes strolling by with her pink basket. This time the basket is filled with the milk cups from the table. What on EARTH! After another basket rinse and mopping up the trail of leaked milk. Dad pulled the ripcord and I am now making it rain cookie crisp all over the coffee table and turned on Timmy Time. They are on their sixth helping now as I type – Don’t judge me! Good thing there is a baby sitter coming over for nap time cause while I do basketball. The bacon, toast, and banana are all still uneaten. On to hour three...  

Hour 21 6:14 - 7:00 AM

Last night after putzing around a little more, my head hits the pillow at 11:50.  I kid you not, 15 seconds later Brooke starts crying in her room.  I bounce up and run down to see she’s fallen out of bed.  I pick her back up and tuck her in and spend the rest of the night half listening for the next potential crisis.

Fast forward to 6:14 AM – I hear my alarm clock in the form of Brooke kicking the walls of her bedroom.  I hit Daddy snooze.

6:22 AM Brooke is now crying and kicking her door.  I pop up and tip-toe-run down the hallway to keep her from waking the boys.  Time to change and dress her.

I open her bathroom to get a diaper and she follows me to the doorway and starts pulling off her pajamas.  First she tries to get the sleeves off…and that’s when I realize that this is going to be more than a minute – and I didn’t take care of numero uno yet that morning.  So I quickly sit down for some bladder maintenance (have to be a good example for potty training).  Brooke is working on taking off her footies when she says “Daddy pee pee?”.  I say “Yes Brooke”.  When I flush,  Brooke says “Good girl Daddy, Good girl Daddy.”  Lovely – no more Daddy examples.

Overnight hours: End of Day 1

Sara gave me a call – I had texted her the blog link and she read part of one hour.  She told me “don’t get so enamored with your own clever wit and the sound of your clicking keyboard that you get distracted from taking care of the kids”  I maturely responded with “I love you honey, and I hope you are having a great time”  which loosely translated means “stick it in your flippin’ Christmas card dear”.

Thanks to Matt for the posting all those pictures to my blog.  Nice touch.

It’s 11:11:22 PM on 2/11/11, Cleaned the kitchen, Scrubbed the medicine spot off the floor when I lost my second sock.  Got the dishwasher going.  Emptied the trash.  Checked on the kids one last time (add one more poopfull to Max’s tally)  It is time to go to bed.  Let’s hope that the kids sleep in until 7.

Day one…Jimmered.

Hour 9 6:00-7:00 PM

Hope to have this be the last eventful post of the day – getting the kids off to bed before around 6:30 since no one took a nap.    One last episode of OSO while Brooke polishes off her nuggets.  Up to bed – pretty easy…however I learned that it is okay if you want to bring a chicken nugget to bed time.  Brooke has no problem snarfing it down while sitting on the pottie seat.  Good times.  It is not okay though for Dad to already have her footie pajamas on with the clean diaper still neatly folded on the bed.  Gonna have to remember that next time – Amateur hour.

Luke is zombied out in front of the PlayStation – but I think we will play a game of risk together before bedtime.  I let him win last time and never heard the end of it…I am not sure if my pride could take another ‘beating’ like that.


Well the toddlers are both somewhat quiet in their dark rooms – time to clean the kitchen and finish the last 10 minutes of 30 Rock.  I'll go find a blogger spot for this junk to be saved for posterity...at least I have the evenings!   Hopefully the last post of the day!

Hour 8 5:00-6:00 PM

So Dora goes through another commercial break and Max wigs out as Brooke exercises her remote skills.  Max decides to run over to the DVR box under the TV and start pushing buttons at the same time.  This causes the box to freak out and get stuck on a blue screen.  It no longer responds to anything I do on the remote or directly on the box…out of the frying pan into the fire.  Max is flailing on the ground screaming and I need to hit the reset.  The box takes 10 long minutes to reset – so Max and I decide to take a moment to have some bonding time.  And by this I mean working on the problem developing in his pants.  Unbeknownst to Dad – Mariposa is putting him in pull-ups, so as I pull down his pants the pull-ups come down also, inside out, with its present ready to drop on the carpet.  Pushing through the carpal tunnel pain in the wrist…I catch everything with a diaper wipe and avert a BP Horizon – Gulf of Mexico sized disaster.  They should have had some wipes on that rig.

Need to drop off Jake for an overnighter with his friend who is moving to England for 5 months.  Figured I’d make dinner for the kids when I got back.  And by ‘make’ I mean pick up Wendy’s.  Making Dinner is for Sundays!

Walking back in – Had Brooke by the hand heading to the front door as Max ran to the back of the van.  Thought she was pretty steady on her feet since she was kinda pulling her hand away, so I let go – bad move.  Had to scrape her bawling carcass off the sidewalk – and now she has a real boo boo on her hand.  Way to go dad!  Looks like I won’t be pitching a ‘perfect game’ this weekend…nothing a camouflage band-aid can’t fix though.   Mom’s can’t see those kind.

Wendy’s and soda was a hit with the kids – for 5 minutes…then they got distracted by my laptop screen saver on the counter.  I close it down to get them to focus on dinner together…fat chance.  Let’s just say that they are now watching Special Agent Oso, walking around with a handful of chicken nuggets.  As long as the front door is locked…right?

I got myself a Frosty…now I know why Sara often has an old milkshake cup sitting in the van at the end of the day.  Bed time for these boogers in 30 minutes.

Hour 7 4:00-5:00 PM

Made it just in time.  Max apparently has a system for how the van climate control must be operating while being chauffeured around town.  He kept telling me “miurer phan” which I thought was middle fan.  So I switched off the sync control to allow the backseat’s fan to run on high while the front is normal.  I go through a four way stop and get up to speed again when Max goes flying by me to change the fan speeds.  I guess my ineptitude forced him to take matters into his own hands – unbuckling himself to stand next to me pushing buttons.  I spent the rest of the trip making sure I didn’t pass Roscoe P. Coltrain and get busted for letting my son get a face full of fan.  YEEEEEEEEHAWWWW.

Brooke now makes the sound of Swiper “ctsk ctsk ctsk” from Dora the Exlporer.  I am going to teach her to do that before she does anything else boogery.  That way I can yell “Brookers no Boogers” three times to force her to stop.  Works on TV.

Max just started wiggin out at the commercials at the end of Dora again.  Brooke ran over to get the remote and fast forwarded while Max yelled.  I am thinking that little girl is a smart one.  Then I look over again and see her stomping up on down on a crumb-pile of Cheezits and decide not to jump to any conclusions.

Caught Max in the pantry again, either he is battling for MVP (most valuable pooper) or I missed something while cleaning.  He hands me a little packet to pop some popcorn – but Sara informed me that if Brooke eats too much of it – she gets diarrhea…sounds like something to do on Sunday afternoon.

How about some pretzels everyone!!!

Hour 6 3:00-4:00 PM

Got complacent with Brooke rummaging around in her room and the boys playing computer.  Grabbed some leftovers for lunch and thought – not so bad.  New commandment:  Thou shalt not try to squeeze in an episode of ’30 Rock’ before picking up Max.  Gotta run!

Hour 5 2:00-3:00 PM

“I’m bored what can I do now?”

“Can I have some pretzels?”

“oops”

-Luke Passey

That’s how Hour 5 started…how hard is it to keep a bowl of pretzels from flying across the floor?  After I got my Bella fix (she is such an inspiration)…I decided to tackle the Pantry.  Sara was gonna get around to it this week, but got too busy – so this morning, in desperation, she offered the boys $3 to tackle it.  They said $5…but apparently even that wasn’t worth their precious time this afternoon.  So I dug everything out, swept and started putting stuff back.  Found Max’s treasured yellow watch!!  He lost this about two weeks ago and has been somewhat dissatisfied with every replacement since then.  I’ll be ‘the man’ later when I reveal that prodigal toy.  I also learned that, when working in the Pantry, I am about as effective in keeping my pants up as Luke – should have been a plumber.  So I had collected the spilled crackers, macaroni, and fusilli noodles with a broom and asked Luke to bring me a small vacuum to suck’em up.  His first question?  “Will I get money?” - uh no…  He sees that there are only about two brooms left to put back and asks...  “Can I finish the rest so I can get the money” -  nice try.   I did find a sealed bag of Vanilla wafers though – spoils of war for me!

Oh by the way – Brooke is not taking a nap – I went up and checked on her – Poopy diaper.

Under 50 hours left…

Hour 4 1:00-2:00 PM

I spoke too soon – You can’t get into the van when Max is poopy and missing his shoes and socks.  I find him rummaging through the pantry like a stray dog shoulder deep in a tipped over trash can.  The pantry floor now looks like the van did a couple hours ago, and his face is covered in Frito Lay Cheddar Cheese powder.  No time though, gotta change him and put on his shoes.  We head out to the van to play musical chairs.  Max wants to sit in the back, while I try to coax him into the seat by the door.  Meanwhile Brooke is running around like a free-range chicken in the front yard refusing to follow any directions whatsoever.

I am driving off 5 minutes before the hour as I pass Jake and Luke’s bus.  I remember now that they are coming home and I can’t remember if I left the door unlocked – too late now.  I try not to consider all of the different ways Luke would react to that situation…and I begin to feel sorry for every neighbor’s door that he might go knock on to tell them he has been abandoned by his negligent father.

Get Max dropped off and head home singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star with Brooke to prevent the little booger from falling asleep in the car.  From what Sara says that is the worst possible thing that could happen to my afternoon.  After singing that stupid song 9 times, I am not quite so sure.

Get the booger home and change yet another poopy diaper.  I think I am at 3 poops for every 4 hours.  So at this rate I will have changed 40.5 diapers when Sara gets back.  I’ll probably end up with carpal tunnel or elbow wuss-itis due to the repetitive motion of pulling up diaper wipes.   

So Now Brooke is in bed, Max is in school, Jake is watching NatGeo and Luke is playing little big planet 2.  As I throw away the diaper I see the pantry door open revealing the trash heap that Max has created.   On my very next step, my sock gets completely removed from my foot as it sticks to the floor – I imagine in the very same spot that I spilled the medicine.  Looks like I have a couple of projects to get through in my one hour of free time.  So if you don’t hear from me in a while I will be skimming through my favorite pages of the Twilight series for the 4th time.  Only 280 days!!! Can’t wait!!!

Hour 3 12:00-1:00 pm

Max shows up first – not happy about seeing Maisy…but even less happy about seeing the commercials.  All of the sudden Brooke forgets how to fast forward (convenient) to watch Max throw a snit fit.

Had to get some medicine in him for his nose before making the Mariposa run.  Speaking of run – he’s pretty fast.  You know who is faster?  Me.  You know what doesn’t like going fast – 10ml of children’s medicine in a cup.  Smooth move dad.  Unfortunately, Max won’t lick medicine off the floor, only fruit snacks.  Fortunately a bowl full of cheezits makes the 2nd cup of medicine go down.  I’m pretty sure that line was in the first draft.  Brooke thinks a bowl full of cheezits belongs on the floor, and on the tv stand, and all over its shelves.  Pretty sure she threw his bowl from Jimmer range, while he was flailing on the floor during a commercial.  Thanks Brooke…you need a nap!  It’s 12:40 – into the van!